We’re all familiar with the “preacher count” of attendance. At long last, Tall Skinny Kiwi has developed the means to adjust the figures to reality.
– 50% if its a Pentecostal worship service because they count the legs and forget to divide by two.
– 30% if its a Baptist church because they count members on the roll and not all of them are still living.
+ 10 if its a Vineyard service because those rugs on the floor were actually people!
+ 20% if it’s a fundamentalist church because they don’t count the people they didn’t want there.
– 30% if it’s an Anglican/Presbyterian/Methodist church because the number they gave you is from their huge Easter service.
+ 15% if it’s an ethnic/non-western service because all those people coming late missed the counting.
– 10% if its a megachurch because the worship team and welcome team got counted during all 5 services.
– 520% if its a Catholic church because they count the parish, not the church attendance.
+ 20% if it’s an emergent service because those having a smoke outside were not counted.
– 25 % if its a Reformed church service because they count the people who SHOULD have been there.
– 15% if it’s a house church because the neighborhood kids playing video games in the back room somehow managed to get counted with everyone else. So did the guy delivering pizza.
So … what’s the adjustment for a Church of Christ? (And surely there’s a punch line for Universalist/Unitarians)