Well, we ordained two new elders today—poor guys. I was supposed to join them for lunch today and offer some words of advice, but my old nemesis, kidney stones, intervened to keep that from happening.
During those few hours when I was abuzz with narcotics, my mind was filled with brilliant words of wisdom, but as I descended from my high, the ideas seem less worth repeating. Oh well …
I can’t say that a mere three years of eldering have given all the answers. They most certainly haven’t. Still, a few ideas may be worth sharing—
Pray. We all sometimes get too busy to pray as we should, and this is always a mistake. Make the time.
Keep your priorities straight. The family counselors make a point of telling husbands and wives that keeping their marriage healthy is more important than worrying with the kids. That is, you can’t be good parents unless you’re first good husbands and wives.
Just so, you can’t be a good elder without first being a good husband and father. It’s okay to miss an elders meeting to take care of family needs. Don’t let your family come to resent the time you spend on church matters.
We managed to get along without the new guys these last few years, and we can get through another Wednesday or two on our own if we have to. One benefit of having more elders is we can better cover for each other. Take advantage of the blessing when you need to.
Don’t let the members get you down. Our church is actually pretty easy to shepherd, as congregations go. We have little divisiveness. The worship wars were largely fought by others some time ago.
However, even here, there will be times you suffer unfair criticism. Worse yet, this will generally happen in a situation where you can’t very well defend yourself. Sometimes you have to keep your reasons for making a decision a secret, and some of our members will inevitably assume the worst possible motives. The more you insist that you have good and righteous reasons for keeping a secret and making the decision you made, the more they’ll be convinced that you’re guilty of some sort of a cover up. It’ll hurt.
Take comfort in the fact that the vast majority of our members don’t think like this and in fact give you the benefit of the doubt. Moreover, my experience is that the members who indulge in conspiracy theories are really just venting their unhappiness over your decision—in a deeply pathological way, of course—and they’ll get over it.
Communicate. We sometimes forget that just because the elders, or the elders and the staff, know something, this doesn’t mean the church knows it. We often assume that someone else will remember to send an email or publish a bulletin article. Of course, these things don’t just happen. Don’t make a decision without following the decision with a direction to someone to put the word out to the right people.
People fill their lack of knowledge with their worst fears. Silence will inevitably lead to speculation and rumors. Put the word out and do so quickly.
Don’t do everything you wish you could do. Elders are expected to meet, teach, go to all the church events, set an example of service to the community, attend visitations and funerals, visit the hospital, know everyone’s name, know why each sick person is sick, repair every broken marriage, know the meaning of the most obscure Bible verses … and the list goes on. You can’t do it all.
And you’ll feel guilty for being less than perfect. When the church wants to add more tasks to your list—expecting you to work a fulltime job, spend some family time, and then add untold volunteer hours on this or that—get comfortable saying no.
More precisely, get comfortable with dividing the work up among the elders and ministerial staff. We don’t have to all attend every funeral. We don’t have to all know every member. But the church leadership together ought to be able to cover all the funerals and know all the names.
Don’t procrastinate making hard decisions/Take all the time hard decisions require. It’s easy to let the hard decisions slip to the next meeting … and the next and the next. Elders are, by nature, pleasers. They want to make people happy. And some decisions inevitably will make some members unhappy, no matter which way you go.
Waiting too long only makes it worse. Make the best decision you can, grit your teeth, and get on with business.
But sometimes the talking and thinking and praying seems to take forever. You want to just make a decision and get on with life even though it’s really just not time yet. Taking the time to build consensus among the elders is worth the time. Waiting on God to move–to answer prayer, to give assurance—is worth the time.
Dig in. Take whatever time you need to get it right. Don’t procrastinate.
Never forget how important teamwork is. You are not so much an elder as a part of an eldership. The authority is in the eldership, not the individual elders.
I’ve frequently mentioned Patrick Lencioni’s The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
Teamwork requires that you voice your doubts and questions. Don’t leave the table unconvinced. Don’t worry about hurting feelings if you are unpersuaded and need to talk about it more. Say what’s on your heart.
Don’t overlook the ministers. Some elders (not here) look at the preacher and think, “I’m an elder and you’re not!” Bad idea. Yes, the church is supposed to be overseen by the elders and not the ministers, and no, we’re not supposed to turn it all over to the “pastor.” But if the elders don’t delegate, the church will never grow beyond an institution manageable by part-time volunteers. And that’s not very big. Delegate, but don’t abdicate.
The ministers have extensive training in ministry, which most elders don’t enjoy. They are fulltime employees. And the reason they’re in ministry is they are passionate for God and his mission.
On the other hand, ministers are a different breed. After all, most people don’t choose ministry as a career. And ministers sometimes inadequately sympathize with those who have not chosen fulltime ministry.
The solution for these inherent differences is to get closer to the ministers. The closer the elders and ministers are, the more the church can benefit from the blending of their very different talents.
And this requires regularly spending time together and keeping your antennae up for tension or discord. By one means or another, stay close to the men and women whom you are counting on to make it all work.
Don’t be afraid of the volunteers. Elders often obsess over the fact that the church is a volunteer organization and no one has to obey them. As a result, elders often ask much less of the members than they should. They are often deathly afraid that the members will leave or say no and the church will collapse.
And some do leave and some do say no. But the way you make certain the members don’t serve as God would have them serve is to never ask them to do so. Low expectations will always produce low performance.
I have often been astonished at the Christ-like hearts of our members and their willingness to donate time and money and energies to the work of the church. Therefore, you should be more concerned not to ask too much—they might just do it.
Show appreciation and gratitude. Some men have trouble expressing appreciation and giving compliments, probably because they were raised by a father who refused to show appreciation. Get over it. The church needs to hear encouraging words from its elders on a regular basis—especially one-on-one compliments and thanks.
Don’t leave your good sense at home. Many fine businessmen go to church and forget every bit of good sense they bring to their business and households.
Some of our members take delight in criticizing the elders for running the church “like a business.” Elders don’t like criticism any more than anyone else, and so some carefully refuse to run the church like a business. Bad idea!
Obviously, the church isn’t a business, and we aren’t here to maximize profits. But good business practices are usually good church practices. For example—
- Equip your staff with computers, PDAs, books, and whatever they need to do their job. You can buy a lot of computers for a lot less than hiring another secretary. And your ministers will enjoy their work more if they are well equipped.
- Secretaries do secretarial work better and less expensively than preachers. Hire enough support staff so your ministers can minister rather than typesetting.
- Internal controls for cash, receipts, and such are necessary. Most embezzlers go to church somewhere.
- Sexual harassment, the Fair Labor Standards Act, workers compensation, unemployment insurance, and all these annoying laws businesses have to contend with apply to churches, too. Adopt the right policies. Post the right signs. Don’t be naïve.
Don’t be naïve about sex. If your employee at the office commits adultery against his wife, it’s a serious problem but not normally career ending. If your minister commits adultery, you have to fire him, his career is over, and church will be in turmoil for a very long time.
Make sure the ministers stay away from internet pornography and aren’t alone with members of the opposite sex. A Church of Christ minister loses his job over adultery at the rate of about one per week (just an observation, not a provable statistic).
Here’s the rule: if your wife or his wife says that woman’s up to no good, she’s up to no good. Deal with it. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t allow even a hint of impropriety.
The vision-thing matters. Be sure the church always has a vision before it. Vision-casting is hard and often misunderstood. A vision statement or mission statement is not a vision–not by itself.
A vision is a shared dream in which the entire church participates that tells us all where we think God wants us to be in the fairly near future.
A vision is precise enough that we can say that this is in the vision and this other thing is not.
A vision is something you can see in your mind’s eye. You’ll know when you’ve arrived there because you’ll have seen it before in your dreams, in your prayers, and in your hallway conversations.
A vision excites, inspires, imposes accountability, and motivates.
A church without a vision is just keeping house. A church with a vision is on the move, has a purpose, and is filled with the excitement of anticipation.
Make sure the church always has a vision.
Learn to read the members’ criticism. When a member walks up to you and says he’s unhappy that such and such is going on, you may well be talking to the only person among 800 who feels that way. Or you may be talking to the only one among 800 with the courage to complain. Be careful to tell the difference.
Many elders so want to please the members that they can’t bear any criticism at all. You’ll have to get over that. If you make 80% happy, you’ve done very, very well. That means 150 people can be upset and you’ve still made a good decision!
But even when most people are unhappy, they may be too humble or too kind to voice their concerns. So listen hard. Help establish an atmosphere where people feel free to express themselves.
And be careful to remember that your circle of friends is not likely to be representative of the entire church. Just because all your lunch companions hated the song selection hardly means that the majority felt that way.
Don’t let it go to your head. Most of the time, being an elder here is a joy. I’ve often felt myself lifted up on the prayers of the congregation. God is with this congregation.
Don’t get full of yourself. It’s easy to do when people are speaking so well of you. It’s easy to think that you’re responsible for the congregation’s success.
Men who served as elders for decades before us not only blazed the trail, they flattened and paved it. I’m just glad to have a front row seat to watch God working through our volunteers and our ministers to do amazing things.
