Well, I decided I wasn’t digressing. It’s imperative that we give more thought to the relationship of grace to our teaching on divorce and remarriage. The two doctrines must fit together tightly.
Sometimes we unconsciously teach two different doctrines of grace. There’s the generous version of grace and the not-so-generous version of grace. Let’s call them big-grace and small-grace.
When we’re sensitized to the evil of a particular sin, we tend to impose certain small-grace doctrines. We say that the sin can’t be forgiven until it’s been repented of. And repentance requires that the sin no longer be committed. We have to have eliminated the sin from our life. In fact, we have to even undo all the harm our sin caused, if we can. Hence, we’re lost until repentance is utterly complete.
This small-grace allows us to treat those guilty of these sins as lost until they’ve changed. The sin at issue may be a marriage we believe to be adulterous or a divorce that was caused by sin or it may be holding to a doctrine we consider false, such as teaching error on divorce and remarriage. Until the false teacher stops spreading his error, he’s not only wrong and sinning, he’s lost. Until the adulterous marriage is ended or the couple stops having sexual relations or the original spouses reconcile and remarry, repentance hasn’t occurred and they are lost in their sins.
On the other hand, when we consider other sins, we teach big-grace. I may not be as materialistic as many, but I’m certainly more materialistic than Jesus was. I’m not the evangelist that Jesus was. I’m not the Bible student that Jesus was. I don’t love as Jesus loved. I don’t live up to his standard of perfection and am therefore a sinner.
Fortunately, grace — big-grace — covers those sins. I’ve repented, in the sense of trying to do better, but I still haven’t fully repented. I’ve not yet achieved the level of perfection that Jesus achieved, but I’ve made him Lord of my life and I keeping working at improving.
You see, the sins I’m guilty of are covered by big-grace but the sins you’re guilty of — the ones that don’t even tempt me — aren’t forgiven until you’ve completely rid yourself of them. You’re under small-grace.
But of course the true standard must be the same for all of us. The Bible tells us which grace is the true grace.
(Rom. 8:1) Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus … .
Many teach that there are lost Christians and saved Christians. Paul says that you cannot be in Christ Jesus and be condemned. All Christians are saved Christians. Grace must be pretty big.
Of course, it’s possible to fall away and lose your salvation, but when that happens, you are no longer a Christian at all. You are no longer in Christ.
(Rom. 8:3-4) For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, 4 in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
Paul explains that we are incapable of fully repenting, that is, eliminating all sin from our lives. If we could, the Law would have been powerful enough to save us. But due to our sinful nature, we cannot completely stop sinning. Rather, the solution is for the “righteous requirements of the law” to be “fully met in us,” not because we are actually perfect, but because of the sacrifice of Jesus.
To qualify for this big-grace, we must live “according to the Spirit.” What does this mean?
(Rom. 8:13-14) For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.
We either live “according to the sinful nature,” meaning rebel against the Lordship of Jesus, or we “put to death the misdeeds of the body.” In other words, we grow in our obedience. We never totally eliminate all misdeeds, but with God’s help through the Spirit, we become more and more like Jesus.
The line is not between perfection and damnation or between doctrinal perfection and damnation. Rather, the line is between those who make Jesus Lord and so grow in their obedience and those who rebel against Jesus’ Lordship.
Therefore, big-grace is the only grace there is — even (or especially) when we’re talking about divorce. Obviously, if we divorce in rebellion against the will of God, counting on grace to cover our sins, we are in very real danger of losing our souls entirely. Rebellion is a very dangerous place to be (Heb. 10:26 ff).
But big-grace recognizes that we are imperfect people trying to do better — imperfectly. When people divorce, they do so because they’re imperfect. The divorce may be caused by sin, or the divorce itself may be sin. But sin is forgivable, indeed, forgiven, for those who make Jesus Lord, even divorced people. Even people who sinned when they divorced. Grace still works. It’s that big.
One of the remarkable things about discovering God’s grace is that it changes who you are. It teaches you to extend grace to others in your personal relationships — especially at church. This is, after all, the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. It’s just that the divorced seem to be last ones that we’ve allowed to receive God’s grace.
This is THE central point.
Thanks for the great thoughts.
“Big grace” is what allows 1 Cor 7:11 to follow verse 10. With only “small grace” the couple would have to reconcile in order to repent — dealing with all the character issues that caused the separation in the first place. With “Big grace”, they are granted permission to remain apart, in recognition of the fact that they may not be strong enough to eradicate those underlying character flaws (sins).
Alan,
That's a very good thought. Thanks.