I get emails —
I’m writing you because I truly don’t know what else to do. I have been a member in good standing of the COC in Philadelphia for many years. By a journey I believe orchestrated by God, I’ve come to know some truths that you speak on, which have placed me in a position of feeling completely isolated in my very conservative congregation where every Sunday is preached be perfect or go to hell. And, of course, we are the only ones going to heaven.
I leave church feeling horrible, hardly ever encouraged. I feel alone, hypocritical because I don’t share their beliefs. Yet, I don’t believe denominationalism is right either. I love my sisters and brothers, have found it difficult to even think of leaving; but I can’t stand what I hear when I go to church. Could you recommend a church near Philadelphia to worship? To be honest,my attendance lately has been very poor. I don’t feel I’m doing my best for Christ.
Readers?
Uh…yeah. Been there, done that.
Philadelphia Christian: There must be several Churches of Christ in your vicinity. Please start visiting them, maybe 2 or 3 times in a row. I believe the Lord will lead you to a new church home. Where you are now would be intolerable for me. There's a definite line in the sand for me: I can't worship where I have to hear from the pulpit that we're the only ones going to heaven. To me, that's obscene!
"I don’t feel I’m doing my best for Christ."
Well, start doing your best for Christ. Yes, those around you can be discouraging, but they are on the outside, not the inside. Jesus once told some guys that what is more important is what is on the inside.
Often, many of us blame our current funk on others. Each of us should do what brings us closer to Christ, pray for others, serve, love.
None of us has to be legalistic, looking down on the rest of Christianity as a bunch of 'they are going to hell because they don't go to this church.' And no one can make me be that way, regardless of what building I walk into on a Sunday morning.
This may read as being harsh. I apologize if I come across that way. Don't let others determine our attitude towards Christ.
If you have not already check out King of Prussia Church of Christ. Their website is (http://www.kopchurch.org)
Christ's Church of the Vallley (www.moviechurch.org) in the suburb of Royersford may be a good option.
The link should have been http://www.moviechurch.com.
First, I confess some empathy with the reader. However, like Dwayne, I also regret that we have made "church" into something that should do something for me.
Gathering with other believers should be about what I can do to encourage, edify and help others around me.
But, I also admit, we've trained our brothers and sisters to take the view of "what's in it for me?"
With that said, each of us must test our own hearts to determine what is the right thing to do. And so must this reader.
If you can't find a church within the C of C tribe that teaches and practices Eph 2:8-10 in love, then find one that does, even if it dosen't have a Cof C sign hanging on it. There are other c of C tribes that are within God's "catholic" body of believers.
When you sit with a group of smokers, you smell like cigarettes and can't help but ingest some of the poison yourself. If you can encourage any of them to quit ruining their health, you have a good reason to continue to assemble with them. If none of them will stop, maybe you should sit someplace else.
We all need encouragement sometimes, and if a church isn't encouraging me I'm not able to give to others. You can't give what you haven't been given. Yes, I do think it harsh to tell people that they should be unconcerned about what a church is doing for them. I believe what I receive from a church family is of vital importance.It's a relationship and a relationship is a two-way street. If you need encouragement, find a place where you can get some. That is what the church is for.
I agree with EllenW. If I'm not being fed by my attendance at Church, something is wrong. Now, it's possible that something is wrong with me but in the case we're considering, it sure sounds like somethings wrong with the Church.
I also think EllenW nailed it. We are supposed to be saved into a mutually encouraging, edifying community that is cross-centered and driven by the gospel into God's mission. We all NEED our brothers and sisters and the encouragement of the truth of the gospel.
Yes, we should certainly be encouragers, but that's because we all need encouragement. A constant drone of false teaching, denying salvation by faith, is not only discouraging, it's destructive to the soul.
The reader needs to leave.
Thank you Jay! You articulated so well what is in my heart. I have been praying for our Philadelphia Christian friend to be led by the Holy Spirit into his/her new church family, even if it's not a COC. I'm 72 and a fourth generation COC member, but I know I have brothers and sisters with many different signs on their church buildings, who love and serve Jesus.
Dear (?),
Congregational life is no more complicated or simple than life itself. You interact with your nuclear family, your work family, your inner circle, and then your outer social contacts, as well as your church family. If you have survived conflict with those groups, you possibly can in your church too before you run off somewhere else. Two thoughts on moving to another congregation; first, have you spoken to your church leadership about your concens? It may not go anywhere, but you owe them that courtesy. Do others you know well have the same concerns? Too many of our churches of Christ these days are preaching gospels that could be preached at any other church on any given Sunday. It doesn't sound like it in your case, but we disciples need to be reminded regularly about sin and it's consequences, and there are many churches that are worried about running people off by being too "fire & brimstone", and as a result, preach watered down messages. Some preachers understand that most of us today do not read our bibles like our ancestors did, and the proof is in the pudding. How many scriptures aside from John 3:16 have you committed to memory?; or ask someone you know who won't be offended and see how many scriptures they know by heart.
Second, if you are certain you're going to move on, know what it is you are expecting and be able to articulate it well; then, while you are in the process of searching out another congregation, take the time to meet the leadership and ask for time with them so that you may ask questions and get some feedback about those concerns that hav caused you to seek another church.
In my 25 years as a disciple of Christ, and an elder for over 10 years, I've seen many people get upset and leave without having a sit down with those who have [caused] them to seek worship elsewhere. Don't be cowardly like many of them and send an impersonal email describing that you're looking for anotther place to have your spiritual needs met because your present situation fails to meet your needs.
Finally, I'm not saying that your missing the point on all this. You may be correct in your analysis of your congregation's message. I'm simply saying that your church leadership deserves to have you sit down eye to eye and have that discussion. The last thing the Lord wants is for people who experience dissatisfaction to simply run a way and not talk to one another about things such as these. Good luck.
David,
I think that the "what's in it for me" attitude comes from several sources; our own family first of all. When was the last time a child did NOT get what he wanted from Santa? And how many families make sport activity a priority over Wednesday services, and even Sunday if their kid is on a traveling league of some kind. Then there is the nation's school system; now there's a winner! No red pencil, no failure, everyone gets a trophy. It's no wonder our country is full of people who are full of self; and we wonder why there is no loyalty anymore. I think we learn this behavior and bring it with us in church because there is no hard line [as in the work place] of accountability, which is just about the only place where we are held accountable anymoe for anaything or to anyone.
I would recommend the Pitman Church of Christ in Pitman, NJ. About a 30-45 minute drive from Philly, but an excellent, loving congregation. Let me know if you want more info. Their website is http://www.cochrist.org
Check out the Newark Church of Christ in Newark, DE. You'll find a grace-filled family who search for truth. We spent 15 years there and they helped us grow in the Lord.
OK – different perspective, but one that is hopefully Biblical and of Christ.
What does it mean to love your current church family – the one that is hurting you? What does it mean to pour out your life as an offering to Christ for them?
I'm with Jay that you must be encouraged, but I'm not with Jay in suggesting that you should leave. Find a group of Christians where the mutual encouraging happens. It is, of course, a tragedy that, at least for now, that group will not be in your church. That is OK, though.
I would suggest that possibly God has put you there as a missionary to your church – on a mission of showing God's love to them in spite of, and in fact because of, their twisting and perversion of Christ's love.
Are you married? Do you have kids? If so, then, as Paul says, following the way of the cross is much, much more difficult. You must balance the pain of your family with God's mission. However, if you are single, then why not view this as an exciting opportunity to show Christ's true love to those who need it most? It will be uncomfortable, unpleasant, and possibly unfulfilling, but I am convinced that we find peace in spite of those things when we are flowing in the spirit of the love of Christ.
Adam
What I hear in your question is true love for the people in that local body – and true discouragement in continuing to attend because God's Spirit has opened your heart to a grace and truth you have not known before. It's like you had never had food seasoned with salt – but once you have, you can't go back.
I would disagree that you need to have a discussion with the leadership. It would appear they endorse, tolerate and promote the teaching and attitudes you describe because it's what you are hearing every week. I do think it is gracious to let people know you feel God has directed you to another place to be in community with people so that they do not wonder about you or even try to beckon back. But long discussions on the level of things you have concerns about are rarely fruitful. Just be gentle and respectful with them and enjoy this season of searching that God is providing.
My family and I are enjoying an unexpected journey right now prompted by some terrible and painful doings of so-called spiritual leaders….and despite the wounding, the new journey, which does not look "cookie-cutter" – meaning that we did not run out to try on just the next closest CoC – has been wonderful. We have tried to "be still and know" our God – seek community of believers during the week in deep ways involving personal contact, prayer and study- serve outside of formal ministries and committees and programs – sometimes commune online with friends who are missionaries – listen to profound sermons online by those who are gifted to teach – and read blogs like this one that help me learn more about Jesus than 95% of the anemic Bible classes I've ever been in in 45 years of church I have attended.
I will pray for you!
That's what was on my mind, too. And it gives the leaders a chance to rethink their teaching as well – sometimes we have our blind-spots. If we seek mercy, we should be merciful to others as well.
Alexander
AllAboutHim. Good job. As an elder of some years, I see the burden of an "exit interview" falling on the shepherds, not the sheep. So many of us have built churches that our kids and grandkids will not attend. In the words of Seth Godin in TRIBES, "Religion at its worst reinforces the status quo, often at the expense of our faith".