[GRAPHIC LANGUAGE WARNING: MEDICAL PROCEDURE WILL BE DESCRIBED IN HORRIFYING DETAIL.]
I’ve just released from the hospital due to a bout with kidney stones. I’ve been hurting with these since Monday, and they checked me into the hospital Thursday.
At first, it looked like a very small, easily passed stone, but ultimately they checked me in and did surgery.
Now, “easily passed” is doctor-talk for “pass with pain beyond human knowing but without having to pay for my kid’s college education.” There are no “easily passed” kidney stones. But passing a stone, for all its pain (worse than labor pains, a nurse told me with first-person conviction), is much easier than having it surgically extracted. I now know.
Here’s a description of the procedure —
Ureteropyeloscopy and Laser Lithotripsy
General/IndicationsFor stones that get caught in the ureter during passage to the bladder, urinary obstruction due to impaction of the stone can occur. This is often due to stones larger than 5 mm in size. If these stone fragments do not pass spontaneously after conservative therapy (i.e. hydration and pain medication) then ureteropyeloscopy and laser lithotripsy may be required.
Procedure
Ureteropyeloscopy is usually performed under general anesthesia. Ureteropyeloscopy is performed by introducing a small telescope (called a ureteroscope) through the urethra, into the bladder, and up the ureter. With direct visualization of the stone within the ureter, a laser fiber can be
used to fragment the stone into smaller pieces. A ureteral stent is often required with this procedure. Ureteropyeloscopy with laser lithotripsy can require anywhere between 1-3 hours depending on the size and location of the stone within the urinary tract.
To translate into English, replace each long word with “really sensitive part of your body
having countless very tender nerve endings being scoured from the inside with a Brillo pad pulled by a Ford F-250.” Now you know how I’m feeling.
As the doctor explained it to me, it sounded like Fantastic Voyage, what with the swimming upstream against the (ahem) currents, all the while shooting laser rays at enemy blockages — and sometimes missing (and except there was no Raquel Welch). All very 21st Century.
It’s just that it feels like the underwater ship they used — the Voyager — was still full-sized when they inserted it.
That being said, the care I received at DCH Regional Medical Center was exemplary. The nurses and doctors were outstanding. Even the food wasn’t half bad. (I recommend the grilled chicken breast with white barbecue sauce.)
And I’m very thankful for the many prayers that went up on my behalf. There were some tough moments, and I could feel the gravity of the prayers when I needed them the most.
I still need a few days to heal up and for the pain to subside. My nephrologist says I likely have yet another stone to pass — and hence they’ve propped my ureter open with a stent — having its own singularly unpleasant side effects.
But I should be in plenty good enough shape to make it to Tulsa for my presentation on March 23. I’ve been looking forward to giving those talks for six months now, and I’m not going to miss the trip for anything.
I wound up in the VA hospital in Nashville with one. Morphine did nothing for the pain; Vicitin did: ultimately, I was in excruciating pain and didn’t care. About three hours – and what seemed a gallon of water later, it passed in pieces.
Glad you’re better; stay hydrated. I can usually tell when one has decided to leave the place of its precipitation, and can get ahead of it with fluids and ibuprofen, but I usually feel very washed out for most of a week.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“and I’m not going to miss the trip for anything.”
What was it God said about such statements–:)
Maybe we should all take Paul’s advice, and drink more wine — I think they desolve in vinegar. might check on that. I am not a “Doctor” but I’d like to be 🙂
http://www.livestrong.com/article/531371-red-wine-kidney-stones/
Red Wine and Kidney Stones
Red wine in particular has not been studied to determine its effects on kidney stones. However, several studies have included wine in their research. In 1996, research about beverages and kidney stones was published in “American Journal of Epidemiology.” Researchers discovered that the risk of kidney stones decreased by 39 percent for each glass of wine participants drank daily. Another study in 1998 published in “Annals of Internal Medicine” found similar results. Women who drank wine were 59 percent less likely to develop kidney stones.
Funniest thing I have read in a long time….hahhahaha!!!
You were under countless prayers and there was much sympathy directed your way from Boston! So sorry you had to endure such a painful week. Hoping everything goes well in the next few weeks and you enjoy your time in Tulsa. Oh….and drink your water! Nurses’ orders!
Jay…Had one that hit very suddenly and thought I was going to die and worried that I wasn’t! On a different track, I see where you are speaking in Tulsa this year. God bless you as you help other shepherds. I don’t know if I’ll be there or not as I may have to come home after Thursday’s events, but if I’m there, I’ll be in your class. I’m not an elder, but I’m a minister serving with elders who are all younger than I am. So much for being the “boy preacher”. 😉
Jay
We missed you in Bible class and prayed for your comfort and healing. Sorry your facing so much pain these days. It’s a true testament to see how much you do for the body of Christ while facing so many challenges. Thanks
Ouch! Glad you are feeling better. Jim has had kidney stones more than once and it is no picnic.
What Mom said — glad you’re feeling better now!
EEEEK. I had a cystoscopy where they diathermied the inside of my bladder to remove inflammation. I think you win though…
Jay,
I am very sorry that you had to endure such pain. I can truly empathize with you, but I know that does not help you when the pain occurs and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I’ll be praying for a quick recovery and that your mind will soon forget the trauma, and perhaps, feeling of helplessness as the indescribable pain occurred in a place you could not touch and left you feeling utterly helpless while crying out to God. Peace be upon you!
Jay, your “translation into English” of your medical procedure was so INCREDIBLY hilarious, I neglected to express any kind of compassion … I’m sorry my friend. Furthermore, I am sorry about your ordeal, but happy that you are better. Your work here at oneinjesus is a blessing to me, and with it I have blessed many others.
Jay, every woman reader here looked at each other and simultaneously said, “Childbirth!” Then they all quietly snickered at your expense. Sorry.
Over here on the guy side, we sympathize. One friend in the know describes your experience variously as trying to pass:
a. A porcupine the size of a Volvo
b. A cast iron tumbleweed
c. Three hundred feet of barbed wire fence, including corner posts
d. A large boxwood hedge
e. Halley’s Comet
f. Uncle Remus’ entire briar patch
g. A buffalo in stiletto heels
h. Napalm
Glad you are recovering.
Clyde,
HistoryGuy obviously understands exactly where I’m coming from, but nothing cheers me like having my jokes laughed at.
Charles,
We should add “a watermelon wrapped in barbed wire” to the list. — ha ha