I’ve said this many times before, but given where we are in the discussion, I really have to reiterate this point: People are far more motivated by relationship than reward and punishment.
My parents are nearly 90. They couldn’t spank me if they wanted to. And they seem quite intent on spending whatever inheritance I might have otherwise received. Hence, no reward and no punishment — not if we weren’t in relationship.
Therefore, to the legalist, I have no incentive to help them or please them. Their pleasure at my good works and disappointments at my sorriness should be entirely irrelevant, because they can only reward me with a smile and nod of approval and only punish me by being hurt by my actions.
But … they’re my parents, I love them, and they love me. And therefore their feelings toward me matter quite a lot — even if they never say a thing to me. I know them well enough to know exactly how they feel, and so, without a word or a glance, I’m deeply motivated by how they react to the decisions I make.
Why do I care? Well, I’ll let someone else play Freud. For today’s purposes, the reality is that I do. A lot. And it’s a perfectly natural way for anyone to feel who enjoys a good relationship with his parents.
God calls himself our “Father” and gives us his Spirit to place us in an Abba relationship with him. The relationship I just described with my parents is exactly the kind of relationship God wants to have with us. Why can’t we see it?
You see, when we view our relationship with God as God describes it — as a parent and child, as a husband and wife, as family — then the questions about why we would do good works despite God’s gracious nature become, well, kind of cold and distant and, I’m sure, hurtful to God.
Imagine saying to your earthly father, “I won’t serve you because I have no fear of punishment from you!” When did love leave the relationship? Why do we so strenuously insist that we’ve been commanded to love God (true) and yet persistently fail to see how that changes everything? Have we never experienced love in this life?
Indeed, I can’t help but wonder whether we’ve been so bludgeoned by the command to love — on penalty of hellfire — that we’ve never felt the love of God. It’s as though we’ve been presented an abusive father, who whips and brutalizes us to make us act as though we love him out of terror.
What horrible preaching! What atrocious doctrine! What shameful leadership! But, you see, many of us have never experienced love from the elders of our churches. Some have never felt loved by even the preacher. Indeed, so many congregations insist on a fear-based gospel that they hide the gospel from their members.
In fact, I’ve had readers pitch a fit to read out of the Bible such verses as —
(1Jo 4:18 ESV) 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
We prefer our image of God as an abusive father to the picture John paints for us. It’s too good. It’s too generous. Someone might misunderstand!
But, no, the reality is that if we define our relationship with God in terms of fear, we’ve misunderstood. Yes, sure, there are verses that speak of fearing God, but read them 20 times a day and post them over your doors and put them in your lockets, and 1 John 4:18 will still there — and it means what it says. It just that not everyone has yet been perfected in love.
(Rom 8:15 ESV) 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
To build our relationship on fear is to fall backward into slavery. It’s to have an imperfect love. It’s not the goal.
Just as is true of my earthly parents, there was a time when fear was a very keen motivator. I was, after all, very immature. But thanks to their discipline and love, I grew up — and I like my grown up relationship with my parents so much better.
So, yes, fear has a place, but it’s not the end or the goal. It’s for the immature. For those who really understand God, who truly know their Father by the power of the Spirit, there is no fear — only love. And love motivates far more. Indeed, it’s the difference between freedom and slavery.
Choose freedom.
At the end of his search for the meaning of life, Solomon said:
Fear is not just for the immature. (Deut 6:1-2, Deut 10:12-13, Prov 14:26, Luke 12:5, 1 Pet 1:17). Those who don’t fear God don’t really know God.
Alan, every scripture on fear is obviously true but it seems you missed Jay’s point. I Corinthians says the “greatest of these is love.”. Love is the first and greatest commandment. Fear is a part of my relationship with God but love should overwhelmingly dominate.
Alan, the wise man said that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, not its end. 1 John 4:18 still says that perfect love casts out fear. Of course, our love is not perfect, so there is still room for fear – but as we love more and more, the “fear” becomes more like awesome reverence and respect instead of terror.
Alan, the traditional CoC does NOT teach the believer to fear God. No, they only teach believers to fear that God will destroy them if they don’t straighten up and fly right. There is a world of difference between these two things.
How can a believer say he “fears God” when he flouts God’s own testimony about Himself? When he doubts God will provide for him as Jesus promises in Luke 12? Or when he doubts God will give him eternal life just as Jesus promises in John 5? Or when his own perspective of God’s faithfulness is less than that which he demonstrates to his own children?
Consider this: God says to a man, “You think you are a better father than I am.” The man is aghast. “I don’t think that!” “Of course you do,” is the divine reply. “You would never withhold something your children needed from them, if you had it to give. Yet you doubt that I will treat YOU that well. You are indeed concerned that you might just have to do without, and you continue to plan your steps accordingly.”
It is folly to claim that we fear God and then to continually slander his character by our unbelief.
Jerry, I think that’s exactly what these passages mean by fear. Basically, it means you wouldn’t dare risk incurring God’s wrath. Paul admonished the Philippians to “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” A wise man wouldn’t dare take God’s grace as a license to sin. When we try to see how close to the line we can go, we are showing an unwise lack of fear. You can fear God and still love Him, and still trust Him. It’s my own flesh that I don’t trust, and that’s why I fear God.
Alan replied to me:
Two observations: (1) The Philippians quote continues, “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” At best, our “working out our salvation” is the result of God’s working in us the desire and the performing of His will. (2) A loving man would not even think, much less dare, to take God’s grace as a license to sin.
And 1 John 4:18 still says, “Perfect love casts out fear.” (But I am not claiming perfect love.)
Alan, Note that we are to “work out our salvation with fear and trembling” NOT work for our salvation with fear and trembling. Thus Paul assumes salvation is secure but we continue to work on our Christian growth.
Well, Skip, how do you then explain the fear and trembling? What is the meaning of these words?
Alexander
Have you ever wondered, Jerry, whose perfect(ed) love John is talking about? I see it this way, and please check it acording to the context: It is us, who by love fulfill the Will of God. If our love is perfected, we don’t have to fear any judgment at all. Quite a different reading, huh?
But fot those who don’t check it themselves, let me point it out to all:
The point is abiding in Christ. By this we are perfected in lov, and this perfect love does not fear punishment. Why? Because we don’t do anything that would deserve punishment.
The fear of God, however, was never meant to be done away with. It is not only the beginning (arche) of wisdom, but also the source. therefore Fear of God is a topic that goes all the way from Genesis to Revelation. In fact, the everlasting gospel, the angel proclaims, goes like this:
(Followed by hellfire and brimstone)
And there is way more to fear than paying due respect to a superior being. It has to do with fear and trembling, and even john, the beloved apostle of the Lord fell like dead at the feet of the Risen Lord.
Alexander
Sorry, Jerry, I just noticed that you read John 4:18 the same way anyway. It’s just I so often heard the different reading (God’s perfect love drives out ozur fear) that I just read that into your words.
Alexander
Alexander, Everything has to be taken in context and one can’t interpret a verse in such a manner that contradicts other verses. The Bible teaches we should be confident, that we should be secure, that we can know we are saved, that we can rejoice, that we can be deeply thankful, and that we can have a peace that passes all understanding. How do we interpret “trembling” in light of the fact that we can have this God given deep inner peace and confidence? Obviously then Paul is not talking about quaking in insecurity in Philippians 2:12. I believe the trembling here is a sober respect for the God we serve and an awareness that we can always fall if we aren’t on our guard and keeping ourselves in God’s love. I can have this attitude and live with great confidence and inner peace at the same time. Which I presently do.
Somebody needs to read vs. 15ff… Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. (pretty straight forward).. vs 16. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. (we begin to be merged into this perfect love through Christ that dwells in us) vs. 17 By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. (fully merged into us by faith we are made perfect in our love because of Christ, not ourselves, and therefore we can have CONFIDENCE for the judgement day…not fear) vs. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (because if we fear then Christ has not been fully merged into us…fear has no part whatsoever in our relationship. God doesn’t want us to fear punishment in our relationship). vs 19 We love because he first loved us. ( We love Him not out of fear of punishment, but rather because He loved us and came to dwell in us).
Fear of being punished is outside a right relationship with Abba Father… Respect, sure. Fear, nah. Not if Christ truly dwells in me. The fear is gone and has been replaced by Love. I don’t have to worry about punishment if Christ dwells in me..I walk with confidence and boldness before the throne because its not me but Jesus who gets the credit and who took the blame for my sin.
Alexander says, “By this we are perfected in lov, and this perfect love does not fear punishment. Why? Because we don’t do anything that would deserve punishment.” If we are going down the road of works and fear then you should understand that our standard is Jesus Christ which is perfection. Thus your statement that we don’t do anything that would deserve punishment is wrong. Every day every Christian fails to pray enough, fails to share their faith enough, fails to love enough, fails to be patient enough, fails to give thanks enough, …. Without the constant grace and atoning blood we are huge sinners in God’s eyes. No modern day Christian can be sinless for a single day. Therefore we all deserve punishment under the law. Thank God that we are under grace and motivated by love rather than fear alone.
I am about to the point of saying that if a tenured believer wants to spend his life in constant terror of divine retribution… let him. If he thinks he will eventually overcome this terror by a lifetime of “straightening up”– so that he someday no longer does anything worthy of punishment– let him think it. It will keep him busy. And perhaps the light will come on eventually, by the grace of God.
About the third time the waitress passes your table at the diner and your coffee cup is still turned upside down, she decides you really don’t want any coffee– and she stops pestering you about it.
Charles wrote,
I understand your frustration!
A theology built on fear inevitably leads either to arrogance or despair. You either conclude that you really are good enough to make it — or you figure that you have nearly no chance at all!
And both places are terrible places to be. The arrogant are awfully hard to persuade since they define their very identity before God based on their strict adherence to a handful of easy commands — a cappella singing, weekly communion — and give only lip service to some of the most important ones. And when your identity shifts from “a son of God saved by grace” to “a sound believer who has the right positions and always obeys every one,” well, you’re in deep trouble.
Not nearly as bad, but truly terrible, is to go through life without the assurance and confidence that the apostles have promised us. I know people who live in constant, mortal terror for their souls, because their hearts are too tender to feel justified by their works. These are the ones who pray “Lord have mercy on me a sinner” and are justified — but can’t feel it because they’ve been taught by experts to misunderstand the Bible.
Amen and Amen!
Great posts!
Many of us, more every day, are envious of denominational individuals that have lived loving God and even if they have erred in some ways, (who hasn’t) they have a relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit we of the COC have missed.
I don’t want any of my family and friends or myself to miss that anymore.