I get emails —
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Hi, Jay:
I’m in something of a quandary, and I’m looking for potential solutions. I have come to respect your writings, insights, and views, so I thought I might ask for some advice.
I’ve been on a journey lately that appears to be taking me away from my non-institutional roots. I have studied and pondered, and reasoned my way away from much of the command, example, necessary inference dogma and isolationist mindset that I have seen questioned for years.
I attend a very small non-institutional [NI] congregation in [deleted], there are very few of us here, and while I love the people dearly, I am miserable every time I seem to find myself dragging toward another session of graceless, twisted proof texts and even more graceless yelled sermons. Each one ends with a modified 5 step plan (“live faithfully” is added to hear, believe, repent, confess, be baptized) with no mention whatsoever of grace.
… I have tried to push for more acceptance of grace and more understanding and breaking down the walls of hate and exclusivist arrogance that have divided us from others in the Stone-Campbell Movement and beyond.
I have been visiting with other congregations in the area in an attempt to find another “home” if, and more likely when, I can no longer remain where I am. The mainstream churches here are all under the strong influence of some of the more conservative regional universities and preaching schools, and aside from a kitchen and few other outreach programs, etc., there is little that I have found different from my NI heritage.
… I would love to be with people who see themselves more as a family and less as a sanctioned corporate entity. I would love to be in a place where I am engaged to listen and learn and love God and his son, not be constantly yelled at and warned of straying from the narrow dogmatic traces that cannot be scripturally supported.
While I in no way wish to tear any church apart or cause anyone to violate conscience, I know there must be more of us so-called “exasperateds” out there who would like to be in a more accepting, loving, grace-filled place.
So here is my question: Do you have any suggestions on how I might go about identifying and inviting others to explore planting a new group with a focus more on Jesus and less on coC interpretations of him? I know it will face all kinds of criticism and vehement condemnation. But if we suffer and fret through our worship, are we being true to God or ourselves?
I could really use some thoughts, and I hope you might be able to help me sort this out.
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[posted with permission; lightly edited]
Readers,
This reader has agreed to let me post this for the readership to offer their wisdom. I’ll pitch in as well as I have opportunity.
Any suggestions?
First of all, it’s OK to step outside the CoC to find God. He’s not trapped inside those doors. Guilt seems to be at the core of his frustration… There is no guilt in seeking God wherever that might lead… Let the Spirit guy you brother. He is obviously stirring something inside you…go find it.
It doesn’t matter what a church’s dogma is, or the ideas of some other group that you find more appealing. What matters is your walk with the LORD. Do you know His will…that distinct Spirit led truth that comes from the depths of His being? That’s what matters, and it won’t be any more “perfect” seeking out other churches if you are not walking in harmony with God yourself. You can devote your life to seeking the truth of God…and if you have faith and accept what God says in His word…He will show you that truth. It will not matter what others say or do or teach. What matters is what the LORD teaches…and whether you have faith enough to apply it to your life. Don’t look to others for some “greener pasture” approach to the faith. Set your sights on the LORD and His Way, Truth, and Life. You won’t go wrong if you do!
I was where you are but I made the mistake of trying to reform the congregation beginning with the preacher (we had no Elders) wasn’t long until any time another member and I were communicating the preacher assumed that I was attempting to indoctrinate others in the congregation (I have an ability to repair almost anything mechanical, something many of the members had need of). Sermons began hammering subjects that I had communicated with the preacher about, almost unbearable, well wasn’t long until I had enough information that he had misrepresented to challenge him, I did and he saw to it that I was disfellowshiped. Letters were sent to surrounding churches of my teaching false doctrines. It really has had a great effect on my abilities to communicate within the church, but I found that my influence has had a greater acceptance with those that we had formerly condemned to hell. I really believe that the Lord has had a hand in showing me a more productive soil to plant his word into. One document would be very beneficial for you to read would be one written by Jay, “The Holy Spirit and Revolutionary Grace” a pdf above. When you can adapt from the concept of we are the only saved to truly understanding that there are many others out there that are your brothers in Christ it will open up the world to you as is see it. Don’t let anyone cause you to give up the good works that you know to do.
I suggest two things:
1. Start talking about grace, love and forgiveness, at every opportunity. Try to turn every “theological” or “doctrinal” discussion into a discussion of grace. Maybe you can ask, Well, how does God’s grace affect your view of that?
When you do that you’ll find people who agree and disagree. And you will also be planting seeds which God may be able to grow.
2. If your spirit remains frustrated, you may have to find another place to worship.
3. But your most valuable place may be continuing to be a voice of grace in a place that is still learning about God’s grace in their lives.
The letter above does not mention prayer. It would be best to turn to God for guidance instead of Jay.
However, if this is where prayer has led you then let me add to the voices. Remain faithful in your walk and hold fast to the Lord. Perhaps you are where you are in order to show others the grace of God that you desire to be shown. Don’t look to others for that grace. Look to God and then share it with those around you both inside and outside of the church.
Brethren,
This is a sad commentary on the direction of the church.
We tend to cannibalize our own in stead of reaching out and helping.
Where I am located, the Churches of Christ is largely ultra conservative and anti and legalistic. So I went to the conservative Christian church locally, and am now finding a similar struggle with legalism.
I have taught for 19 weeks on AMAZING GRACE, blending in some of Jay’s fine material as well as my dad’s, with some good results among class members, while others are legalistic… (Bible class gets a bit exciting when legalism and grace go head to head.)
Change is hard for us. The need for BALANCE is more apparent than ever, and the danger of EXTREMES seems always present. No matter what some may say, a Christian has to take their freedom SERIOUSLY (Gal. 5:1), guard their freedom COURAGEOUSLY (Gal. 5:2-12) and use their freedom LOVINGLY (Gal. 5:13-14).
Balance is important.. Presently I am preparing some lessons for a three (unusual) day seminar (to be held in New Hampshire) on GRACE…
“Balance between doctrine and life has always been difficult for those of us who feel that purity of doctrine is VITAL. How do you maintain doctrinal purity and at the same time give the needed emphasis to how that doctrine fits into life?”
For example, two brothers were arguing over VERSIONS (KJV vs NASB). Three more versions were introduced… NIV, NET, RSV… Everyone got quiet when someone said, “I like the version my mother lived.” (That’s the balance we are looking for because it PUTS TRUTH BACK INTO LIFE.
IS IT POSS. TO BE RIGHT ON ISSUES AND LIVE A CHRISTIAN LIFE THAT IS WITHERED AND UNATTRACTIVE ? For sure it is! Our religious neighbors emphasize broader principles (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience,Kindness,Gentleness, Faithfulness, Self Control), while we emphasize Hear, Believe, Confess, Repent, Baptism, Lord Supper. Maybe we would understand the specifics better if we were balanced with the broader principles.
Dad’s FIRST debate was with a Jehovah Witness… Both had a supporting group. The other began first… The subject was “Identifying the NT Church” . He said “the NT Church was a PRAYING CHURCH, A LOVING CHURCH, AN EVANGELIZING CHURCH, A GIVING CHURCH, A GROWING CHURCH.” Dad began, “The NT Church established on Pentecost, AD33, Jerusalem, Christ is the Head, Worship, Laws etc… BOTH HAD PRESENTED TRUTH, AND YET as dad said, “Both were out of balance.”
Fact is, that you can hold two Quarters up against your eyes and can see nothing else, or hold the quarters out and see the quarters in perspective with everything else. our emphasis has too long been on just certain things which has led us into the position of being misunderstood by most people we are trying to reach.
When dealing with Bible and life, BALANCE and PERSECTIVE have been LOST when any part of Bible or life becomes so enlarged, so emphasized and focused on that the rest is lost. “When any part of truth becomes so enlarged, that it BLACKENS THE VIEW FROM OTHER TRUTH, balance is lost and truth becomes its own worst enemy. (“Amen walls”)
So I truly feel for this brother in his struggle…. welcome to the club… I too am looking for a congregation like this, but for another reason, I am looking for a church to work with. I know Jay will have some good words for you… I just pray you will stay strong …
The comments above are right on. I myself and my wife have left a non-serving
church to a more loving and grace filled congregation. A few days ago I had lunch
with a long-time member of the church we left. We have remained friends and
socialize quite a bit but over lunch as I was talking about the taking of communion
to shut-ins he looked at me severely and said the Lord’s Supper was to be taken
only in the assembly. I said these folks are still the body only unable to attend
worship. We’d had this conversation before when I upbraided the preacher and
him following a sermon two years before.
I have now concluded that I will no longer strive to convince him of his church’s
descent into apostasy. I rejoice that God works in mysterious ways and that he
will send his spirit to melt their hearts with love for those who live for him.
Maybe I am not the vessel to change hearts. Pray that you will find a church
that puts Christ first and proof texts as they were intended.
There just isn’t time enough to correct antiquated theology and follow Christ
our savior. Old line churches will with this generation fading need someone to
pick up the broken pieces.
grace and peace,
Dave
Wow, at first I thought I wrote that! Been there, and it’s difficult. The guilt of leaving “the one true church” is almost unbearable, plus it’s a small congregation and if you leave, what will happen to that congregation? While it’s true that you can try to change that group from the inside, ultimately your allegiance is to God through Christ, and you must seek the path that will best allow you to serve Him. Legalism will kill your spirit (sounds like it already is). Just remember that you don’t “go to church,” you ARE the church! We gather to worship God and edify each other, not enact laws or condemn others. If that assembly is not meeting those goals, bid that group a loving farewell (don’t burn the bridges – others may use it to escape as well!) and join yourself with a group that does. As mentioned above, pray, meditate and study, and let the Spirit guide your path. God bless your search!
If there is not enough humility (acknowledging the possibility of fallibility), then you won’t be able to get to the stage of having a conversation. You can have confrontations, debates, sharing of persuasive ‘essays’, but there won’t be any conversing. You will be in a group where disagreement and questioning is seen as pride, divisiveness, recruiting. From that starting point, it’s hard to get any traction.
And, you’re really exposing and inspecting the very hermeneutic used to decide what verses mean, and, therefore, what obedience to them looks like. If you begin to entertain and work from a different hermeneutic, then everything you do springs from that – you will be talking a different language, nearly. (That makes communication even more difficult in a situation that already has an uphill battle for communication.)
It sounds odd to say, but, if that is the environment, it will be hard for you to have the positive affect or outcome you hope for. If you can’t get to the point of having the conversation(s) without being branded negatively, without troubling the congregation of brothers and sisters whom you love in our Lord, then a quiet exit, in grace, without maligning, is the best footing for what might be opportunities further on down the road.
That is my opinion. I was in a CoC not approaching ultra-conservative, but I came to a different understanding from the traditional CoC positions. I left quietly, stepping down from leadership. I couldn’t see positive outcomes from staying on and being the silent objector to sermons and vocal objector in classes. My CoC brothers and sisters are doing what they understand scripture to be telling them to do. Likewise, for me.
Too much wreckage is strewn along the way from insisting and posturing.
Grow on! God bless.
Anonymous said “and while I love the people dearly, I am miserable every time I seem to find myself dragging toward another session of graceless, twisted proof texts and even more graceless yelled sermons.”
Not knowing anything about you or your background, it would be really hard to give sound advice, but no matter it is your opinion that you are placed in a situation that you need to escape from, and the fact is you are doing neither yourself or those around you any good. evidently you have been influenced by
“the progressives” and their view of what the church should be like. What you see as ” graceless, twisted proof texts sermons.” might be and evidently are seen as sermons on “the written Word of God” by the rest of the congregation.
As for “grace” it is not a one way street it seems you want to show grace to all others except the brothers and sisters you sit in the pews with every Sunday. Just remember “charity begins at home”.
That said it seems to me you have already made up your mind to leave. you wrote, “I have been visiting with other congregations in the area in an attempt to find another “home”” Seems you are a mite late in asking other’s opinions.
Besides salvation matters are between you and God.
You could simply meet in your home if there more people to worship with you. Over a period of weeks/months go through First John slowly. Just teach through that book expositionally. Then later Romans. In fact go through the New Testament book by book expositionally and be amazed how God honors that and old issues fade away.
Good for any brother who seeks to spread the LOVE of Jesus to others. What a sorrow that some are locked into a graceless congreagion by family or other expectations. There are Christians in most churches regardless of the name on the door. Most are trying to live for Jesus. We EACH should attend and support a church where loving truths are taught, if there is such a congregation within reach. If not, we should meet in our own home with whoever will join us in being only Christians, and seek fellowship whenever possible at gatherings of saints who also seek to be non-denominational Christians. It’s often not possible to find a perfect congregation. It’s lonely to be outside the fellowship of other truth-seekers. But if meeting in your own home is where you can best serve Jesus, that’s the way to go. And it might surprise you who would join you in seeking to serve Jesus in LOVE.
I’m a member of the Christian Church/Churches of Christ fellowship. I don’t approve of everything some of the congregations nearby say and do. You don’t have to approve of everything the congregation you attend does and says. If the main thrust of their service is LOVE, you can join with them. If it is something else, you might best not try to be part of their fellowship. And if you leave a group, it’s best to leave with as little fuss as possible. No need to discuss your reasons with everyone. Or with ANY one of the group unless you’re sure that will bless the person. If asked, then you might well speak about grace and love and how they shape our service for the loving Lord. IF you’re reasonably confident the other person might understand. Otherwise no speech is needed.
I wish you God’s blessing on your journey and pray that your heart and mind can grow in love and broaden to embrace more of God’s children without too much pain; but I will not promise that it will soon be easy.
We are of our past, and regardless of how you grow in the future the growth will come in shaping and molding much of the person you are now. You will never not be the person you are now; but what you are can go from strength to strength, from glory to glory.
Take notice of the people who comment on this blog. Some of us are no longer members of the CoC; but the tenderness we hold toward the members of the church we knew while growing up and the desire to see the CoC progress into a healthy fellowship keeps us curious and willing to offer what little wisdom we MIGHT have. If I were to walk into a CoC this Sunday morning I would feel like I was twelve years old again. It would feel like home….but I know it would not last. I accept both as part of my reality, reshaped, and hopefully, humbly refined by the love and grace of God.
Based on experience, it’s not worth trying to reform a legalistic church. You’ll be more effective in the Kingdom elsewhere.
When I hear stories such as this one (and I have heard MANY) I am reminded of the Catch-22 in which we often place ourselves. Here, a brother finds himself in a place where the constant refrain is one which he finds spiritually oppressive, one which does not encourage his own walk. But when he considers leaving this group, he immediately jumps to “How do I plant yet another church in my area?” No consideration is given to entering fellowship with the other 98% of believers, who are mostly in non-CoC groups. Here is the catch: “I can’t stay here because I don’t agree with what they are teaching; and I can’t go to any other denomination because I might not agree with what they are teaching.”
We don’t realize is that this is the very oppressive doctrinal dynamic which we are so desperate to escape… so we take it with us! We try to escape the epidemic while carrying the disease ourselves. If we are not to isolate ourselves, if we are to find encouragement and strength, we must accept the reality that fellowship is found with believers who don’t see everything as we do. Fellowship and encouragement does not come from finding people who are as close to exactly like me as possible. What comes from that is inbreeding and sterility. We must learn to see other people, in other Christian franchises, according to the Spirit.
Step outside, my brother. There are plenty of believers outside your denomination. 98% of us, in fact. Find believers in Christ who will love you and encourage you and strengthen your faith. Realize that they are probably wrong about something… just as you are. Have as much grace for their mistakes as you hope they will have for yours. Expect to learn from them, not just to teach them.
A few years ago, I wrote a post about finding a good church at http://adisciplesthoughts.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-to-find-good-church.html. It has helped some of my friends. I hope it helps you, too.
Speak where the Bible speaks. Literally. When you have the opportunity to pray publicly, use Paul’s words from Eph 3:14-21. Speak often about the Judgement of good works in Rom 2:6 and Matt 25. Focus your Lord Supper talks on conformity to His death and having His self-emptying attitude Phil 2-3. Start your invitations with a discussion of spiritual maturity (Heb 5) and the joint power of the human and Holy spirit to refine a man’s heart to discern between good and evil (heb 10). End your invitations with the real meaning of baptism, an appeal to good for a good conscience 1 pet. Being a child of God is ALL about keeping His perfect Law. It always has been. Just help your legalistic brethren to focus on God’s actual law of loving neighbor, helping the helpless, and keeping yourself morally pure. The message of Love and Grace is not easy. It requires far more than a message of ‘doctrine’ that justifies based on semi-weekly sitting in the pews of a steeple-less edifice.
fred said: “Speak where the Bible speaks. Literally.” Literally? Really? It’s never been done, and the Bible itself does not teach us to do this. Sola scriptura is Luther, not Luke.
And, “Being a child of God is ALL about keeping his perfect Law. It always has been.” Actually, it’s not. Never has been. In fact, our inability to do this is the singular reason that we have a Savior. And why we so desperately need one.
While I think Fred’s intentions are good here, he offers us the same concepts that underpin the very environment which the author of the OP is hoping to flee.
Charles, language can often be both the problem and the solution. I trust that you are zealous for good works both personally and in your teaching. I also trust that the aim of your faithful obedience rests solely in Him. I don’t believe that we disagree on much of anything in practice. The language I used obviously is the language of legalism but the message is true to God’s word. My current situation is quite parallel to the op and the words I wrote above are words I use daily with my beloved congregation… and I can honestly report a resounding warmth to the message and more importantly a real bounty of spiritual fruits. I am weakend by pride and encumbered by sin. I know this more deeply than I care to admit, and praise be to god I know that my justification lies only in the grace of jesus… but this can never for a moment allow me to spurn gods laws and gods commandments and turn back to my old master of sin and death. To the op: use the words and language your bretheren know, speak from the bible and stay humble… the spirit that works within us can do more than we can imagine. I will pray for you and please pray for me.
Before you can understand grace you must be brought face to face with your own real personal need for it. The reason many in the coc (and many denominations) fail to be gracious is not that they are too concerned with gods laws… it is because they have watered his laws down. When you reduce gods law to the regulative principle, it’s easy to pat yourself on the back after an instrumentless sunday service. but dont get me wrong… it’s not easy to sit through an instrumentless sunday service 🙂 the members of the conservative noninstitutional coc are used to making hard choices and they come from a long history of such. Which is why I suggest to the op that he begin leading his congregation to grace by embracing the most difficult aspects of gods law… denying self and serving others. This is, after all, the core of the gospel and the very example jesus died to give us. It is also not too much of a stretch from the legalism of the regulative principle. Once confronted with the realities and difficulties of love, it no longer appears to be the fluffy doctrineless teaching many in the coc percieve it to be. And once confronted with personal inadequacy at loving, grace is no longer optional.
I have stayed quiet until now. What is accomplished by a person attending church where it is not easy to sit through, to quote Fred? Does that please G-d? Also, how much law is there in Christianity? Most of it has to do with how one treats others. Isaiah almost got rid of it himself in ch 1 beginning at verse 10. The laws of Moses were almost impossible to follow in their entirety. How many have watered down the law vs how many have been accused of watering it down? Christianity full of laws is nothing but a clone of the Pharisees.
Being part of a local congregation should be about what we have to give to others … not what we get. I acknowledge that can come a point where one congregation’s environment may make it impossibly difficult to follow God, as you understand his will. But each person must decide for themselves where that line may be.
Too often, it SEEMS people move from one congregation to another to suit their personal preferences, rather than to suit their understanding of God’s will.
Fred’s point about finding our own need for grace is well-put. Discovering this reality, however, can be a bit of a two-edged sword. While it thankfully makes it more difficult for us to judge others and makes us more accepting of their shortcomings, it can actually make it more difficult to live within a community which claims Christ but lacks grace. We can find ourselves empathizing with the master in the parable of the unmerciful servant, who extended immeasurable grace to his own debtor, but then became outraged at that debtor when he refused to extend even a modicum of that same grace to another man.
While I am clearly in no position to call for any such judgment, it can be very discouraging to carry such outrage internally when observing our brothers — to such a point that it can become personally unhealthy for one to remain in that environment.