If your church is likely nearly every other church, yesterday morning, your preacher spoke about mothers — in highly laudatory terms. Women may have been asked to stand for applause. Perhaps they were even each given a gift.
In my church, we had a very nicely done video in which the children talked about why they love their mothers. It was very well done and very uplifting. No complaints here. I thought our leadership did a great job.
So here’s the challenge for today: Can you do the same thing for fathers on Fathers Day?
It is my experience that Fathers Day sermons start with a pro forma good word or two about dads, followed by 2o or 30 minutes of harangue about how our dads need to step up and do better. It’s so bad that I know deeply committed Christian men who refuse to attend church on Fathers Day. Believe it or not, they find no pleasure in undeserved criticism.
Sure, there are terrible dads out there. And there are some terrible moms, too. But our preachers seem unable to utter a word of criticism of bad mothers, while they seem to delight to dumping on the men.
I’ve actually come to the conclusion that far too many of our preachers have daddy-issues with their fathers. If that’s so, I’m truly sorry. Get counseling. But stop dumping on dads on Fathers Day. Not a word. Not one. Not this year; not next year; not the year after. Let dads have their day just like moms have their day.
And if you are angry at your old man and can’t make yourself do it, find a substitute. Don’t let your dysfunctional childhood become an excuse to dump on all the good fathers in the audience. Stop it. Now. Forever.
Instead, spend these new few weeks before Fathers Day imagining how you can treat the dads every bit as well as you treated moms. Great video. Special songs. Gifts. Applause. Whatever you did for moms this morning, do the VERY SAME THING for your dads.
But do translate what you do into the modern male world. Don’t give them flowers. Find the male equivalent. Which is not easy. Men are hard to shop for, now that cuff links and tie tacks are out of fashion. Maybe a personalized tape measure. Or adjustable wrench. A personalized pocket knife would work well here in the South — where real men always carry a knife, just in case something needs cutting. (Of course, there are women who’d be apoplectic at the thought of knives in church. They may not serve on the planning committee. Real men can be trusted with a knife.) Just be utilitarian, because that’s the nature of the American dad.
I’m bad at this. I’m not even good at buying myself presents (which is typical of dads, you know).
Think in terms of passing out “Man Cards,” as in “If you watch any more soccer, we’re going to have to take away your man card.” But not that. Maybe a gift card to Home Depot labeled “Man Card.”
But nothing that might need to be returned or, worse yet, thrown away. That violates the utilitarian male ethic. Better to skip the day altogether than to give a book marker.
And not one word of criticism for your fathers on Fathers Day. No more. In fact, 20 minutes on the wonderfulness of the dads in your church would be appreciated far more than any other gift you might give.
I’m with you.. either Home Depot or Bass Pro.. Might even be an evangelism tool. 🙂
I appreciate the ideas for Father’s Day. As the church secretary (a very part-time and easy job, really) I picked up carnations and printed off a prayer for mothers to pray. Now I gotta think of something for the Father’s. I’ll get some help………we have an elder who is a high-level scout leader. Surely he will know what dads will appreciate. I agree with you that whatever we do needs to be even-handed.
Have you checked out the prices on pocket knives lately?
No
Alan,
The biggest problem with dad gifts is how expensive they can be. But in bulk, you can buy keychain knives very affordably. Even personalized.
On the other hand Id happily trade the best knife made for a sermon that speaks well of dads.
It’s tough coming up with a Father’s Day sermon. There are lots of good moms and mom-figures in scripture. Not so many for dads. Several bad or mediocre or absentee examples (Abraham, Jacob, Jephthah, David, Joseph). It’s a challenge. I’d say skip the father theme altogether on Father’s Day if you’re preaching.
Mother’s Day too, for that matter. A mention is enough.
A preacher jumping on the fathers present just might get his butt whipped right in front of everyone.
Awesome, Jay! Great minds… Here is my FB post from yesterday:
“I’ll tell you mothers something: the BREAKDOWN of the family is because you women won’t step up!! You wonder why everyone is on welfare and girls are pregnant at 14?? Anyone can be a vagina donor!! It takes a real woman to step up and lead her family!
Dang it. Accidentally used my Father’s Day sermon notes.”
God is a great Father figure, but beyond Him, there aren’t many who shine as opposed to mothers, but perhaps we don’t look deep enough for them. What we find is that men are mentioned more than women, so you get a broader view of the men, all of the good and bad and it is hard to commend someone to someone else if the bad is glaringly bad. But perhaps this is why Hebrews 11 was written to give the people some heroes, not perfect, but people that acted in God and did some tremendous things in their faith.
And then there is Rebekah who doesn’t seem so good, but was probably acting out of God’s providence.
Perhaps now is the time to learn that a sermon need not be based on BCV. (Step away from the rocks, there!) Most of Jesus’ sermons did not start with a text reading. The idea that it is hard to preach positively about fathers because of a lack of textual matter is just sad. One needs not preach from a particular text to preach in agreement with scripture. Surely the elders can tell whether a teaching is congruent with the revelation of scripture without a reference text. Although I will admit that the reverse does happen; I have heard plenty of sermons that came to wrong conclusions while peppering the audience with verses.
Charles,
You make a good point about the use of the scriptures to teach us about fathers. Let me add a couple of thoughts:
1. The hero of the OT is not Abraham or David. It’s God. If you can’t manage a sermon about fatherhood from God Almighty, you need to surrender your preaching license.
2. Even though Abraham and David (etc.) weren’t always the best fathers — even dreadful — there is a critical point in that very fact. The fact that God could work out his destiny and purposes among people despite such flawed people should give all us parents hope that, with God’s help, we also do not have to be perfect and yet things will work out just fine by the power of God’s own hand.
Pity the poor mother who believes she actually has to live up to the sermons we preach about her! At least we aren’t romanticizing men and turning them into super-human saints. The scriptures teach us to be realistic, to honor what is good, and to flee what is bad, while looking reality squarely in the eye and not pretending things are better than they are.
Even these men who were flawed in so many ways make it into the roll call of the faithful in Heb 11 —
Faith makes up for a world of mistakes. And as a father of four, that’s good news! What parent hasn’t messed up? What parent is truly up to the task? And yet Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob are called “Patriarchs” — fathers!! By their merit? No, but because God walked along side them.
What more could a 21st Century father ask for than the knowledge that, even if he’s less than ideal as a father, God the Perfect is with him all the way. And Jesus was descended from the brokenness, weakness, and sin of these men — by the power of God’s grace.
So maybe our children will do a little better than we did. And that would be a nice sermon to hear, I think.
JMF,
Thanks for the note. I nearly fell out of my chair.
Fortunately, the stories of godly fathers and God’s grace for them is available all around us. As God keeps right on working even after John’s revelation, and later experience is just as valid as ancient reports. Perhaps Father’s Day is a good day for testimony and thanksgiving, and finding encouragement there.