This is a true story told me by a friend who is a very outgoing person, as is her husband. In fact, her husband has appointed himself our west-entrance greeter. He stands outside and greets people as they come in, helps people carry things in … that sort of thing.
When we take a break in our service to “meet and greet,” she seeks out people she doesn’t know, even going halfway across the auditorium to do so. (She attends early service, and so there’s usually an easy path due to the relatively low attendance.)
So anyway … she was visiting a congregation in another town with some friends. It was a moderate-to-progressive Church of Christ (I’d be more specific but it’s not like we put up signs specifying this stuff, you know). She arrived a little early and noticed that no one spoke to her or her husband. The church was very friendly, in the sense that they spoke to each other. But no one spoke to her.
During services, they had a “meet and greet,” and she was greeted vigorously. But after church, she and her husband hung around, hoping to meet some new people (that’s who they are), and no one there spoke to them.
She tugged on her friend’s sleeve, asked why no one was speaking to them, and the friend went to the preacher’s wife and pointed out the problem. The preacher’s wife said (and I kid you not), “But we had a meet and greet!”
What is the underlying assumption behind that comment? What attitude does the preacher’s wife (and the congregation) have toward visitors? How might that attitude influence the potential of that church for growth?
This story reminds me of a time when my wife and I were visiting family in another state. Our family members did not attend a church (and were not interested in doing so). So we looked in the phone book for a church to attend the next morning. We found an ad for a church "where no one stands alone." When we arrived, no one greeted us. During the meet-and-greet, no one greeted us. During the prayer time, the members were encouraged to form circles and to pray together; we were not invited into any of the prayer circles. We stood alone.
It occured to me that churches really need to make an effort to live up to their advertizing. A good ad (or a good image) does not make up for reality.
This plays a vital role in where I've chosen to attend services in the past. I visited one congergation where I couldn't even keep-up with the names of those who had greeted me before, during and after services. I attended annother congergation where even after making my own attempts, no one approached me except for (I suppose, the preacher's wife). Where do you think I ended up attending?
What is the underlying assumption of that comment? How might that attitude influence the potential of that church for growth?
Years ago my great-grandmother had a standing plan when she went to church on Sundays (this was during the Depression and wars years). She fixed twice as much food as she would need for her family (usually fried chicken with all the fixings) and then when at church, she would find visitors and invite them home for lunch. If there weren't any visitors, she would invite one or two of the member's family home for lunch. If she needed to, she would fix more food when she got home. This was her routine EVERY Sunday.
The reason I mention it is that as members we must have a plan–something that goes beyond the "meet and greet." It we allow ourselves to be inconvenienced by visitors, as if they are encroaching on our schedules, then they will likely sense this and not come back (or worse, will stay and replicate the attitude towards other visitors). Ministers can take the lead on this one, and make sure visitors are invited to a side room after services where people will be waiting who are ready to extend a lunch invitation. Perhaps if this type of activity were paired with the "meet and greet" things might be more effective.
How you are treated during your first visit is a snap shot of how you will be treated after the tenth visit or even after you place membership.
Bill Hybels wrote a book "just walk across the room" and is an excellant guide to winn people to Christ but is also the basis for how to treat the visitor.
I cannot concieve of a church of Christ not greeting the visitor and treating them as a long lost friend when we sing the song "when we all get to heaven what a joy that will be" and we don't greet the visitor who may not be saved.
Most books on personal evangelism state that you have between 11 and 15 minutes to convince the visitor whethor or not they wil come back. My neighbor is a
pastor at a conservative christian churchh told me you will be hugged when you come. We did not even get a hand shake and his wife did not talk to us. Boy, if our christian neighbors. a Pastor at that won't greet you at the service your future there is glum. We just moved in.
You need to be consistant with the visitor and all greet them in the service plus follow up with a card, call, email,visit and expose them to as many people in a short time. If we do this we will win at least 60% of those looking for Christ or a church home. Later we went to a church of Christ and were greeted by the elders ad assistant peachers and wives. We were invited to have lunch with them and come to thier house next week. Needless to say they are growing and there are no circles.
I could teach at least ten classes on the visitor and show the way to church growth. This is not a program but a way of christian life and a love for the lost and lonely.
We need to turn our circles of conversational comfort from inward to outward and bring the lost, the stranger and the visitor into our circle.
In loving concern for those who are strangers.
Bob Harry
That was my Ma and Pa wasn't it?!? It sounds like them.
I feel really bad about this area of my own ministry. I'm horrible with meeting new people who come to church on Sunday mornings….mostly because I'm running around doing 10 other things and doing my best to make sure I see and make contact with our teens that I know are there already.
Sunday night is a much better time for me to meet new people because 1) it's a smaller group and I can tell much easier who is new and 2)…well I don't really have a 2.
I agree we need to be both inward and outward focused. But I'm not sure if Sunday morning is really the best time for outward focus. Maybe its just me.
While on vacation, we recently visited a CofC that advertised on their site that you wouldn't be overwhelmed like fresh meat (my wording, not theirs) when you visited. Now, that church DID deliver as advertised. We were greeted very warmly by a family that were there only seasonally. The "regulars" actually did come up and greet them, but ignored us…including the preachers' wife (and I'm not one to picking on preachers' wives on account of my wife is one). And it wasn't because they didn't know we were visitors. Our family of four represented an 18% boost in attendance that Sunday.
In attempting to avoid one awkward extreme, they rode the pendulum plum into another.