15. Talk to your wife. Don’t go for even the first interview unless your wife is sold on the move. If this isn’t obvious to you, you’re going to have serious problems in your marriage.
If she doesn’t want to move, things are not going to go well. And the elders — and their wives — will be sensitive to any reluctance by your wife. And she won’t be able to hide her feelings.
16. Be prepared to have your kids inspected. Everyone has imperfect kids. That’s the only kind God makes. But kids who are poorly parented will be a serious problem for your job prospects — especially if it’s obvious that you and your wife have differing parenting philosophies.
If you have problems as a parent, seek help. Do it first for your children, but you should also do it for your job prospects. Fair or not, preachers with badly parented children will have career problems.
Get help. If you and your wife fight over how to raise the kids, get help. Marriage is hard enough if the kids are well behaved. When the kids affect your marriage and your career, it’s past time to seek help.
There are lots of great resources for parenting. In fact, the best resources may be some of the great parents in your church. Trust me: they won’t be surprised when you come asking for advice. They’ll have already figured out that you’re struggling in this area, and they’ll be very appreciative that you care enough about your wife and your children to seek advice.
I’ve known preachers who had serious parenting problems who sought help, did better, and raised some wonderful children who are a constant joy to their lives. Follow their example.
17. Talk doctrine with the elders. If they don’t bring up doctrine, you should. You’ll be miserable if the elders don’t give you permission to teach what you believe. Ask them if you’ll have permission to teach what you think is right regarding worship, women, marriage, etc.
On the other hand, don’t assume that you’re the smartest theologian in the room. The elders might disagree with you on one point or another — and yet be right! They might ask that you be willing to study with them to reach consensus. If so, celebrate the day!
Many preachers are so used to being the theology expert in the congregation that they don’t know how to react when someone else knows his Bible, too. Rather than feeling threatened, feel blessed because iron sharpens iron. No longer will you have to carry that heavy, heavy weight alone.
18. Beware of the parsonage. A few congregations still own parsonages, that is, houses they bought for the preacher. It’s a tax-free benefit, which is cool, but the housing allowance for preachers who own their own homes is a better deal.
Many parsonages are next door to the church building, so that the preacher gets stuck with opening and closing the building, de-icing the sidewalks, etc.
Many parsonages are in neighborhoods with very poor schools. Ask more than one person. If you have school age kids, you’d better get this right.
And a few churches don’t go a good job of maintaining their property — or they expect you to pay for the new roof even though you won’t stay there long enough to get the benefit of your investment.
(The church needs to sell the parsonage and let you buy your own house.)
19. Do the elders know their flock? You’d like some sense that the elders actually pay attention to their members in need. If it’s not obvious, you might ask them to tell you about the members on the church’s prayer list — to learn whether the members are being pastored by the elders or the church secretary.
Listen for personal references: “I spoke to so and so Sunday”; “I visited so and so last night”; “I was on the phone with Mrs. X last night.” This kinds of comments should be part of their ordinary, unforced conversation when the membership is in mind.
20. Do the elders know how to laugh? If the meeting with the elders goes for long — over an hour — and no one laughs, unless something awful has just happened, you have an uptight group of men. No group can meet together long and accomplish much without laughter. Listen for it.
21. Do the elders know how to pray? Some elderships pray more than others, but all should spend some time in prayer. Listen for comments such as, “That’s an answer to my prayers” or “When I was praying the other day, I realized …” Then again, especially older men aren’t necessarily comfortable talking about their prayer lives. To them, to mention their prayers would be like bragging, so they say little or nothing. Don’t judge too quickly.
22. Do the elders teach? It’s not just that elders should be “apt to teach,” but that an eldership that doesn’t teach likely isn’t in touch with their members on doctrinal matters — and so the elders will expect the preacher to be their mouthpiece. It’s a heavy burden for a preacher to carry.
And elders who don’t teach likely aren’t that well known by their congregations. The best case, I think, is when most elders make a point to move among classes and know and be known by all their classes. (But don’t judge too harshly, since this is not how we traditionally do things.)
Jay, you are right in general about the housing allowance being a better deal for ministers than a parsonage. There are exceptions however where the real estate values are so high that extremely few ministers would ever be able to own a home- much of California, New England, Hawaii, etc. Churches in those areas often have to have a parsonage just to have a reasonable chance of having a minister at all.
Jay, actually a parsonage is not a tax-free perk. Self Employment tax of 15.3% must be paid on the fair rental value of the parsonage as well as any housing allowance although income tax is not due on either of those. But you are right about buying a house is a much better deal. Housing allowance can be used for the mortgage, utilities, furnishings purchased, real estate taxes, insurance and incidental expenses of home ownership – such as maintenance and cleaning or mowing. Of course, the Self Employment tax will be due, but no income tax. There is also the perk of being able to pay mortgage interest with housing allowance (no I/c tax) and still claiming that interest as an itemized deduction against adjusted gross income like everyone else.
Gary wrote,
That’s an excellent point I’d forgotten. Thanks.
Jerry wrote,
Quite true. Thanks. Most ministers opt out of Social Security for that very reason, although it’s my opinion that opting out requires taking a false oath. Read the required oath carefully. http://www.ontargetcoach.com/should-pastors-ministers-and-clergy-opt-out-of-social-security/
The usual rationalization is “I don’t believe in making bad investments,” but that is not the standard. The exception is for those who cannot participate in a governmental pension scheme as a matter of doctrine — not investment wisdom. And I’m aware of no branch of the Churches of Christ that opposes participation in government benefit programs.
The exception would be a true follower of the teachings of Lipscomb — who also opposed voting and jury duty and taking a government job. And Lipscomb would have willingly suffered imprisonment for his views — and many of his disciples went to jail rather than serve in the military. That perspective died out by WWII.
I appreciate Jay pointing out this “false oath”, which continues to trouble me the more it is discussed among my preaching brethren. It is one thing when we argue blindly for a position which all of our loved ones have always believed and which we feel is a matter of life and death. Such powerful motivations often keep us from seeing realities which might threaten all that.
But signing the SS exemption is demonstrably wrong for every CoC preacher I have ever met. And the only thing keeping us from being willing to see this for what it is is money. That is not supposed to be even one of our guiding principles. In fact, this is a simple evil which in fact does spring from the love of money. We bear false witness for a little bump in the old paycheck.
On the other hand, if there are CoC ministers out there who can take up Moore’s challenge about going to jail rather than pay the tax, and articulate it as their own belief, I will gladly hear them out.