From the Comments: On lament, contentment, and the nature of obedience

Mark asked,

If it were wrong to cry out to G-d, why did He listen and answer their cries? And if lament is part of the Canon and worked, then how can it be wrong?

Or did it become wrong after the Resurrection?

The only verse (probably taken out of context) that I ever heard regarding lament or complaining was “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Philippians 4:11 KJV

Basically, complaining was deemed unacceptable under any situation no matter how bad.

Mark,

Thanks for a great question. I’ll try to answer it, and I’m going to answer some questions you didn’t ask but that must be answered to explain my response. 

It seems likely to me that Paul’s primary reference was to physical needs. The word translated “want” usually refers to financial poverty. The only other occurrence in scripture is Mark 12:44, which refers to financial poverty, and the context of Phil 4:11 seems the same. See Phil 4:12: “the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.”

This seems very different to me from mourning the loss of a loved one or, as in the case of Lamentations, the destruction of one’s nation and the temple. Surely, the Jews were not out of place lamenting having just seen God’s wrath poured out on themselves!

But then, neither is the conclusion as black and white as “poverty”–no lament; “all others”–lament permitted. Paul is holding himself up as example of a fully mature believer in Jesus who has let go of material things in order to dedicate himself to God’s mission. And the letting go for the sake of God’s mission is really the point, not obedience to a rule about when it is or isn’t okay to lament.

Now this is not easy to explain, because we in the Churches of Christ very much like finding commands and trying to obey them perfectly — and condemning those who don’t. And we figure if it’s not a command, then there’s nothing to obey, no penalty, and no reason to discuss the matter — because we see our relationship with God as primary a matter of obedience.

But the huge irony is that most of God’s commands cannot be obeyed at all as commands. If I “worship” out of fear for hellfire, then the person I’m most concerned with is me and my salvation. I’m doing it all for me. Therefore, I’m not really worshiping God. If I love my neighbor out of fear for hellfire, then I’m doing what I do for myself — and I’m not truly loving my neighbor.

Are these commands? Yes. Can they be obeyed by humans, unaided by God? No. Not remotely.

The solution is the work of the Spirit in our hearts to transform us. This is one of the major themes of Romans 7 – 8, which is based on Deu 30:6, Jer 31, and several other Old Testament passages speaking of the outpouring of the Spirit. The only way we can truly love God as we should is for the Spirit to change our hearts so that we love for entirely non-selfish reasons. If we love God out of fear, then it’s not with all our hearts, because some large portion of our hearts are consumed with self-preservation.

Paul essentially says that he learned to live without the need for self-preservation (no easy thing!). And that can only be done by the Spirit, not by will power and most certainly not by fear of God’s retribution should we fail to gain that level of spirituality.

Therefore, “commands” are indeed commands, but they only get us to a kindergartener’s level of spirituality. To go further, to truly let go of self and seek God with all our hearts, well, we have to let the Spirit take us there. We cannot get there by ourselves.

And having gotten there, the command will no longer matter. The command to love our neighbor becomes to the spiritually mature like a command to enjoy ice cream. We’d love ice cream whether it was commanded or not because it is in our nature to love ice cream.

Hence, contrary to much Church of Christ preaching, commands are for the immature as road maps toward maturity, to help us know when we’re being led by the Spirit and when not. They help us stay grounded in God’s will. As Paul refers to the Torah in Galatians, commands are like a pedagogue — a child’s teacher that the child should outgrow (Gal 3:24-25).

“Pedagogue” is not a great translation. Neither is “guardian,” which is the more modern effort. In Paul’s day, the paidagogos was almost a body guard, escorting the child safely to school and back. His job was not just to prevent kidnappings and such but to protect the child from his own foolishness, such as going into dangerous places. Maybe we should say “keeper.”

In short, the commands guide us so that we don’t do foolish things, and they also help us go to school, not that the commands themselves are the teachers (in the First Century, the paidagogos had no  teaching role), but they get us to a place where teaching (by the Spirit) can take place.

Does this mean that we can therefore disobey the commands? Well, why ask such a question? Why would we want to disobey? You see, this is not about “getting to disobey,” as though we were children sneaking out of study hall under the teacher’s nose. That attitude is truly childish. Rather, it’s about getting to obey — because obedience is where we find the deepest joy and contentment — but only if it’s not really obedience that’s at work but the Spirit.

Consider —

(Gal 5:16-18 ESV) 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

Why am I not under law if I’m led by the Spirit? Because I’m allowed to sneak out and disobey? Because I want to disobey? No, because I don’t want to disobey. I want to obey. (Remember: Rom 7).

But I will fail, until Jesus returns. My obedience will be imperfect and flawed and, at times, astonishingly inadequate and disappointing. Nonetheless, if I’m led by the Spirit, I’m not under law but grace — praise be to Jesus!

(Rom 8:3-4 ESV)  3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh,  4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

(Rom 8:13-15 ESV)  13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

And so, is it sin to lament a nation torn up by racism and selfishness and hatred. Of course, not. I’m sure that God would join you in such a lament. I mean, why should I be content while God is hurt to the core?

On the other hand, should I lament when life isn’t what I’d hoped? When I miss out on a great job? When the love of my life stabs  me in the heart? Well, does God care? Then why pretend that you don’t? Do you think you can fool God? How would lying to God help?

But doesn’t Paul say that we should be content? Well, he says that Paul is content. And there’s a strong implication that would like us to gain the same level of spirituality so that we can view the world as he does. But he’s content because he knows that hunger and poverty will not keep him from serving God.

But does Paul lament?

(Rom 9:1-3 ESV)  I am speaking the truth in Christ — I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit —  2 that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.  3 For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.

That sounds like lament to me. But it’s an entirely unselfish lament, which is a lament like God’s own laments.

And so it’s not about obeying commands, yes or no. It’s a journey. The destination is unity with God himself — and we are to grow and mature in that direction. But we don’t have to get there to be saved.

My children don’t have to grow up to be my children. They started out that way. But I expect my children to grow — and to want to grow. It’s the natural and healthy thing.

But if they only mature and if they only love me because of my commands, I’m a bad father and they’re bad children. I want my children to love me because of their natures, my nature, and our relationship, not because they fear being disinherited should they not. And I do want to be loved.

It’s not a command, but it does matter. I’m not emotionally needy, but I would indeed lament a failure to be loved by my own children — not for fear of having no visitors in the nursing home but because it would mean my children did not become the kind of people I wanted them to be.

What you lament, what allows you to be content, and many other like questions can never be adequately answered by a rulebook, and you’ll never really lament the right things and be content with the right things until your heart has been transformed to be like the heart of Jesus, by the Spirit. And when this happens, the rules will no longer matter — but until then, grace abounds for you.