Real Restoration: On Loving One Another, Part 4

Desktop potter's wheel6. Love seeks peace

Jesus came to bring peace and to destroy peace.

(Mat 10:34-39 ESV) 34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

(John 16:33 ESV) 33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

To love as Jesus loved, we must seek peace — and be willing to make sacrifices to bring peace. Jesus brought peace by suffering and then overcoming death. That’s a plan that still works. But the peace of Jesus won’t end conflict. It’ll create conflict, but a healthy conflict — conflict between the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of Satan, of selflessness against selfishness, of sacrifice against self-indulgence.

(Mat 5:9 ESV) 9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”

(Rom 12:18 ESV) 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

(1Pe 3:8-11 ESV) 8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

10 For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; 11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.”

Peace is not the absence of conflict. Peace is conflict resolved in a healthy way. Peace is made.

In the life of a congregation, how is peace destroyed? Well, there are too many ways to list, but here are some classics —

* Grumbling

(Jam 5:9 ESV) 9 Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.

We like to complain. It’s fun. It makes us feel superior. Better yet, we like to complain about decisions by the leaders. And we like to fill in the blanks by assuming evil intentions.

A church leader is found incompetent. He’s a good man but not up to the challenges of a congregation this size. He and the leaders agree that he should resign and seek work in a smaller church more suited to his skills. He announces his resignation.

Many in the church will assume he was fired and allowed to resign just to save face. Some will be mad at the elders for firing a good man. Others will wonder whether he got caught stealing or in a sex scandal. Even if the elders announce that he is leaving because he needs to find a job better suited to his skills, people will invent other reasons — all so they can impute evil to the ministers or the elders or both.

It’s human nature. We fill in gaps in our knowledge in the worst, the most pathological way. And we’ve been lied to so many times by our political leaders that we distrust everyone in authority.

And it’s sin. It hurts the peace of the church.

The truly spiritual will say, “I’m sure the elders and minister have acting prayerfully and lovingly. It’s not my place to question their decisions, especially be speculating. I’m sure they know much about the facts than I do. I will support them.”

In my church, we have both kinds of members, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the second kind.

* Grudge-bearing

“I can’t work on a committee with him. Ten years ago his son ….” Ten years ago! You’ve carried a grudge for TEN YEARS?! Grow up. Either get over or meet with him and resolve it. But don’t dare go year after year with unresolved conflict. GROW UP!

(Mat 5:23-24 ESV) 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

(Mat 5:39-41 ESV) 39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

(Mat 18:15-16 ESV) 15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”

We are not allowed to hold grudges. If we are the sinner, we must go to our brother and make it right. We are the victim, we must go to our brother and make it right. We cannot nurse a grudge.

* Power

Many a church split is about power. In fact, often the doctrinal issue is a thinly veiled excuse for one man or family to gain power over the church. Of course, we tell ourselves that it’s really about the fate of the dead pending judgment, but it’s really about who gets to be in charge.

(Mat 20:25-28 ESV) 25 But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know  that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Who should have power in your church? Yes, doctrine matters, but long before you get to doctrine, narrow the list down to those with servant hearts. Has this person shown the heart of Jesus by being a servant? If so, then he’s on the list of those to consider. If he’s not servant-hearted, he’s a spiritual infant and must not be considered for leadership. Period.

I am blessed to serve with a group of elders who are all servant hearted. And this has been true of my church for many, many years. And it makes a difference. Yes, we sometimes disagree, but among servants, disagreements get worked out because we all want what’s best for the church — and no one cares who gets credit or who gets to be in charge.

So, how is peace made?

Well, always, by dying and being resurrected.

The grumbler dies to speculation, gossip, and the love of feeling superior or a victim, and finds himself resurrected as a person of peace and trust.

The grudge-bearer dies to resentment and spite and is resurrected to joy and love. Unhealthy, resentful habits of mind are replaced with tranquility as old grudges are resolves and forgiven. Forgiveness heals the forgiver more than the forgiven.

The power player surrenders power, learns to become a servants, and is resurrected as someone no longer needing the thrill of power and control. And this brings peace.

And as the grumblers, grudge bearers, and power players in the church die to themselves and are resurrected with Jesus, they learn the true meaning of Christianity —

(Gal 5:22-26 ESV) 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.  26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

About Jay F Guin

My name is Jay Guin, and I’m a retired elder. I wrote The Holy Spirit and Revolutionary Grace about 18 years ago. I’ve spoken at the Pepperdine, Lipscomb, ACU, Harding, and Tulsa lectureships and at ElderLink. My wife’s name is Denise, and I have four sons, Chris, Jonathan, Tyler, and Philip. I have two grandchildren. And I practice law.
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2 Responses to Real Restoration: On Loving One Another, Part 4

  1. John says:

    Jay said:

    "So, how is peace made?

    Well, always, by dying and being resurrected."

    Jay, well said! I believe that many Christians, whether they use the phrase "obey the gospel, or " I've been born again", think of the death and resurrection as something that happens only at baptism or when they come to a faith experience.

    The truth is, dying and resurrection is, and must be, a daily, moment by moment reality created by an awareness of being a child of God, rather than something seen as "correct doctrinal, or born again, thinking".

    Peace is found in those who know how to die, not in the "correct" or "perfect" ones. Dying, meaning humility, kindness, tenderness, are only possible when we realize just how imperfect we are. But this knowledge is real only in a RESTORATION that takes a different, radical path. Those who choose not to go will simply devour one another.

  2. Jay Guin says:

    John,

    Thanks. I was hoping at least one person would read this post!

    You know, what I said here is actually much more controversial than baptism, in that we come much closer to agreeing on baptism in action than to agreeing on sacrificial love in action. We are much more uniform in our baptismal practices than in our sacrificial love practices.

    It's just that baptism (and instrumental music) are easy to judge, whereas we are afraid to judge anyone's love, as none of us is perfect. We imagine that perfection is possible as to ritual and so we focus on it.

    Speaking as an elder, we have far more heart issues in church than ritual issues. We really should be more focused on what it means to sacrifice for one another. That should be the topic that consumes our Bible classes, small groups, sermons, and blogs.

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