After a long search process, the elders introduced to the congregation the search committee’s preferred candidate for the youth minister position for the church of Christ that Meets at Fifth and 17th Street Across from the Firehouse (known as the “COCTMAFA17SAFTF,” and not to be confused with the church of Christ that Meets at Fifth and 17th Street Next to the Firehouse).
The women on the search committee noted how the choice would take advantage of the new Twilight and Harry Potter crazes. They seemed positively hypnotized by the candidate.
The men appreciated that his willingness to sleep all day and stay up all night would fit the teen’s lifestyle perfectly.
The candidate said he’d always been a member of the Churches of Christ because of the absence of crosses and holy water — and the lack of windows in the auditoriums. He did allow that, but for those things, he might have been a Catholic, as their wine changes into actual blood.
However, during the congregational interview process, the church learned that he is single — having never been married in his 500-year life. The interview quickly went downhill.
“I have no problems with hiring a vampire,” Sister Glady Evercautious said, “I see it as just another lifestyle choice. But there’s no way my daughter will go roller skating with a single youth minister!”
Her husband gave a look of disgust. “For a man to remain single like that, well, there has to be something wrong with him.”
The candidate lamely tried to defend himself. “I’ve never been married, but it’s not like that! I’ve necked with plenty of girls!” But it was all in vein. The search continues.
[Photo and bad pun are courtesy of the Sacred Sandwich.]
Epilogue — The committee, duly chastened, insisted on a married candidate — but continued to hold that the un-dead have a natural advantage in dealing with teens of this generation.